Don't Cry For Me
by debraelq
Summary: Sequel to Xanjen's one-shot You'll Never Know. Why did the words from that crumpled note still haunt Kurt? Starts with Kurt/Blaine but will eventually be with Kurt/Dave.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a sequel to Xanjen's one-shot You'll Never Know. You should really read that one first. In case you don't realize, the italicized words are from Dave's note… Starts with Kurt/Blaine but eventual Kurtofsky. If this surprises you, then you don't know me very well. ;)

Don't Cry For Me

Kurt stared at the book in front of him, but the words he saw were not from his AP Biology textbook.

_Hey Kurt… Look…before you say anything or run away or call security or something, let me talk…_

He rubbed his eyes, not even caring that he might be damaging the delicate skin underneath. Usually he was very careful. Even if he was only 17, there was no sense in not protecting his skin from early wrinkles. Waiting until forty was just too late. But today he didn't care. He just wanted to forget the words on that scrap of paper. It had been two weeks since his world had turned upside down.

Two weeks since they lost at Regionals.

Two weeks since Blaine had kissed him.

Two weeks since he found the crumpled note.

_I just wanted to say…I'm really sorry. I know I'm not some Shakespeare with words, and I'm kinda crappy at apologizing, but at least you're getting something…_

It wasn't just the note that was haunting him. Kurt had gotten misty-eyed over it a little, but it wasn't _his_ tears that caused the ink to blur on the paper. And that was the picture he couldn't get out of his mind… David Karofsky trying to get up enough nerve to apologize to him and finally walking in, note in hand, only to see Blaine and him kissing… the shock, the pain, the tears streaming down his face.

Kurt should have been freaked out at the thought. David Karofsky was there… in his safe place, watching him. But all he could feel was his heart being ripped out.

_I'm sorry for being a douche to you all the time and bullying you and shoving you. I'm pretty sure we both know why I did it…but it's still stupid that I did. I guess I'm just scared, y'know?_

Kurt knew that feeling… There were many times he felt alone… not really accepted by anyone. How could others really understand? The fear that he would never be loved or that he couldn't even be friends with a straight guy without everyone thinking he was a perv. (Thanks to Finn and his dad for that.) Not that he excused Karofsky for all his bullying. There was no excuse for it. But still he understood the pain…

_I mean…you know the people in this town. They would never accept me. So I've just gotta go about my life and just be some straight dude and the only way I can keep up my image is to torment others. I guess I thought that if I bullied you, I'd be known as the straightest dude ever. I guess I kind of let that slip._

Why couldn't he just forget about it? Forget about Karofsky and the note? Why did he read the thing over and over? Even though he now had it memorized, he read the words from the paper every night. Touching the words… the tearstains… so he wouldn't forget. Why did he torture himself? He had what he wanted. He had Blaine.

"Hey, Kurt…"

Startled out of his thoughts, Kurt glanced up at his boyfriend. He couldn't help the smile on his face. Blaine was so handsome and sweet. He was looking at Kurt like he was the only boy in the world. "Hey," he replied.

Blaine kissed him softly before sitting down. "Are you studying? Or willing the pages to turn by themselves?"

Kurt smiled absently. "Hmmm?"

"You've been reading the same page for the last 10 minutes." He brushed Kurt's hair away from his face.

Kurt resisted the urge to push his fingers away. He hated when anyone messed with his hair. When they were kissing and stuff… well that was different. Right now, he just needed him to stop touching his hair.

"Have you been spying on me, Blaine?"

"Spying… admiring… same thing, right?"

And for somereason that made him think of Karofsky.

_I'm sorry for taking your first kiss too. If that even was your first kiss. Weren't you, like, dating that Brittany chick before? That didn't make any sense. Whatever. It was wrong of me, I guess. It was an impulsive thing for me to do. It's not fair. To either of us. You didn't deserve to have that forced upon you like that. I mean, I'm pretty sure you've never kissed a dude before, and I guess I took that from you. I feel like a really big douchebag._

Blaine placed his hand on his shoulder, squeezing to get his attention. "Kurt?"

"Sorry, I guess my mind is still on my biology test."

"Really? Because I didn't know that cell division made you sad."

Kurt sighed, placing his hand over Blaine's. "You have my full attention now," he said with a smile.

"Good… we need to talk."

Suddenly Kurt felt his chest squeeze tightly. Was Blaine breaking up with him? Had he really driven away the only boy who showed him any attention?

_But Kurt…the thing is…I love you. Don't say anything. Please. It's stupid, it's childish, elementary, the crap that only happens in books. I'm afraid of love. Of loving you. Because it sucks. I can't do anything about it. You don't love me. I can't be you, dude. I can't prance around school in fancy outfits and spread rainbows everywhere I walk._

No, he would not think about Karofsky. The jock didn't really love Kurt. It was just some obsession or whatever. Blaine was his boyfriend, and he needed to fix this.

"That sounds ominous, Blaine."

"I just… I don't know what's going with you, Kurt. You've been so distant… and upset about something. Is this still about Pavarotti? Or about losing Regionals? I thought that having each other would be enough for you. Maybe this was a mistake."

Kurt couldn't take the pain in his boyfriend's eyes. He gently touched the side of his face. "Blaine, I'm sorry. It's not really about Regionals. Just watching New Directions perform… I guess I just miss my friends. It's not that I don't love being a Warbler, I just miss my old Glee Club. Can you understand that?" It wasn't all that was bothering him, but Kurt couldn't tell him about Karofsky. For some reason he felt the need to protect his former bully. Why was that?

_Not everyone's as strong as they look on the outside._

"I do understand, but please don't shut me out."

"I care about you so much, Blaine," he whispered as he kissed him softly.

Blaine wrapped his arms around him, holding him close. "I care about you, too, Kurt." He deepened the kiss and Kurt responded eagerly.

This was what he needed. Blaine's sweet kisses. Only… a small part of him… very small… compared Blaine's gentle kisses with the fierce, passionate, unwanted kiss Karofsky had given him that fateful day.

_I guess what I'm trying to get at is…I'm really sorry for everything. I never meant the death threat, yet again another act of fear and impulse._

He just needed to forget about Karofsky.

_I'm never going to hurt you again._

And focus on his wonderful boyfriend, and his wonderful life…

_I guess you're happy at this rainbow school. I can't say I miss shoving you into lockers, but I do miss you._

Unfortunately, there was still that tiny, tiny part of him that couldn't forget Karofsky's words… he felt his eyes watering.

_I'm such a chick._

On some levels he could definitely relate to the other boy. He might be an honorary girl but he was pretty sure crying about another boy while kissing his boyfriend was not appropriate.

Blaine pulled back with a sigh, as he reached up to wipe the tears off of Kurt's face. The wetness had rubbed off onto Blaine's cheek, and it reminded Kurt of how crazy he was acting.

"I'm such a mess. Please just give me some time? This is all new to me…"

"It's new to me, too, Kurt, but I'm not crying." He ran his fingers through his hair, messing up his perfectly jelled curls. "Sorry, I just feel frustrated because I don't know how to help you."

"Blaine… I wish I could explain it better…"

_I'm bad with words…but I hope I got at least some of my feelings out._

"It's fine, Kurt," he said as he gave him a small kiss. Kurt could tell that it wasn't fine… not by a long shot. "I'll just give you some time."

He walked out, leaving Kurt alone and feeling worse.

_I'll stay out of your life._

As the last few lines of the letter came back to him, he realized that was why he was so upset. The letter was so sad… so resigned. He had no doubt that Karofsky was giving up. And that was before he saw him kissing Blaine. It had been two weeks. And Kurt had done nothing. Even knowing that Karofsky was upset, depressed, possibly desperate… Kurt should have done something.

But he just let him go… never saying a word… and maybe now it was too late…

_Bye…_

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm glad you guys are enjoying this. Hugs and kisses full of love to my friend Xanjen for her wonderful fic. Also I am working on chapter three now, so don't kill me.

Disclaimer: Glee doesn't belong to me. You'll Never Know belongs to Xanjen.

Don't Cry For Me

Two

Kurt felt better. Once he decided to check on Karofsky, the guilt eased just a bit, and he was able to breathe. Now he just had to figure out how to do it. There were a lot of ideas flowing through his head… He could just ask Finn, Mercedes, Rachel… any of the Gleeks how Karofsky was doing. That was probably the quickest way to find out. It was also the quickest way to the looney bin.

And they would all be suspicious. Mercedes especially would hound him until he had to tell her the whole story. Okay, next idea…

He could get Karofsky's contact information from Finn's phone. Even if Finn had it, and Kurt could get a peek at it, he didn't think that was the right way to go. Texting was too impersonal. He needed to see Karofsky in person. See for himself that the jock was okay. He wasn't desperate enough to go to his house either. Kurt wasn't suicidal.

At least it was Friday, and he was away from Blaine. Not that he didn't love being with Blaine. He did, of course. Blaine was his perfect boyfriend. But he was also too perceptive. Kurt just needed to fix this thing with Karofsky and then he could live happily ever after with Blaine. At that thought the sight of Dave holding the tearstained letter appeared in his mind. Why couldn't he just let it go?

He needed to focus. He was having difficulty coming up with the perfect plan, and that irked him. He always had a plan.

In the end, fate stepped in, and the opportunity just fell in his lap. Literally.

Kurt picked up the pamphlet and gave Carole a questioning look.

"What's this?"

**McKinley Tournament** was written in bold letters across the top. As he flipped through, he could see pages and pages of basketball players.

"Finn's playing tonight, and I thought you might want to go with us."

"I don't know… Carole," he replied. "I'm not a big basketball fan."

"All your old friends will be there…" She sighed. "Kurt, I'm worried about you. For the last two weeks you've been moping around the house. I thought you would be happy now that you and Blaine were together… what's wrong, honey?"

"Nothing," he said pasting a smile on his face.

"Then why are you crying?"

Kurt could feel the familiar tears on his face, then. They seemed to pop up unexpected. Half the time he didn't even realize he'd been crying.

Carole sat down next to him, placing an arm around his shoulders.

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know…" And he did know. He really wanted to tell Carole what he was feeling. The truth was, he was just so ashamed. Ashamed that he knew of someone else's pain and had done nothing. Not that Karofsky deserved his help, but he was a human being. Carole especially would have wanted Kurt to do the right thing. He couldn't stand disappointing her. "I have to deal with this myself."

"Well, I'm here if you need me."

Kurt hugged her tightly. It felt so good. His dad was not the huggy-feely type, and he really needed this right now. "I promise, if I can't handle it, I'll come to you."

She smiled warmly at him. "Now about this game…"

"Kurt's coming to my game? Awesome!"

Kurt looked up at his stepbrother, about to decline when he realized several things. One- Finn looked really happy at the thought of Kurt going to his basketball game. Two-they would be going as a family and that made him feel good. Three-Dave might be on the basketball team.

He quickly thumbed through the program until he found the McKinley team. Searching the picture and the names he was disappointed to find that David Karofsky was not there. Maybe it wasn't a physical enough sport for him. That made him think of the kiss. Why couldn't he forget about that kiss?

"Kurt?"

He glanced up at Finn.

"You can bring Blaine if you want…"

"Blaine's busy tonight… but I would love to go to your game, Finn." He pushed away the guilt at lying to Finn. He'd already lied to his boyfriend. The other boy had wanted to do something together tonight. Kurt was now up to his eyeballs in guilt feelings. But as always, Karofsky won out. The jock could be laying in a ditch somewhere, too over come with sorrow to move. Kurt pushed that thought away, as well as his guilt for lying to those he loved.

Sometimes not being totally truthful was necessary.

As Kurt got ready for the game… what did one wear to watch basketball? … he devised his plan. Karofsky was bound to be there, even if he wasn't playing. He didn't even really need to talk to him. He just wanted to make sure the other boy was okay.

~#~

Kurt was bored… and disappointed. The game was almost over and there was no sign of Karofsky. He tried to stay interested… he cheered when others cheered, clapped excitedly when Finn made a basket. He knew that was a good thing. The rest of the time, he combed the crowd looking for his former bully. When the game was finally over, he gave up. At least now they could go home, and he could mope in his room.

He made his way to the court to congratulate Finn on their win. There was a crowd of people around all the players, so Kurt waited patiently for people to move out of his way.

A flash of red caught his eye, and he watched in amazement as Karofsky walked up to Finn and gave him a half-bro hug. What the hell?

"That was awesome, dude! Way to get those rebounds."

"Thanks, Dave," Finn said.

Kurt knew his mouth was open, but he couldn't help it. When had his brother and his bully become such good friends? He knew things had changed, but still.

And Karofsky … was smiling. He'd never really noticed his smile before. At that point Karofsky turned to leave and their eyes met. The jock's smile faded.

"Hummel…"

"Karofsky," he replied.

The potential of the moment was ruined by the arrival of Azimio. "Dude, you will never guess what just happened."

As Karofsky responded to his best friend, his face lit up again. "What? Tell me!"

They wandered off in their Neanderthal world, and Kurt was left feeling conflicted. Karofsky seemed okay, happy even. Kurt should be excited and ready to get on with his life. But he wasn't. In fact, for some odd reason, he found he was angry. Very angry.

Kurt pressed down on his growing rage and turned his attention to his brother, ignoring the other jocks. Carole and his dad had reached them and they all congratulated a smiling Finn.

"So are we ready to go now?"

Everyone just stared at him.

"What?" The looks they were giving him made him feel awkward. He touched his face unconsciously.

Finally Carole spoke. "Kurt, it's a tournament. There are several games left."

"But Finn's done, right? Why do we care about those other teams?"

"The team that wins this next game will play us tomorrow. I gotta watch it," Finn explained.

"Kurt do you want me to take you home?" Carole gave him a sympathetic look.

"No. It's fine. I just didn't realize." He smiled reassuringly at them. Kurt knew he should take Carole up on her offer. He needed to go home to think. That would be the safest thing to do. But he couldn't stop thinking about Karofsky and how happy he looked. As the anger boiled inside of him, It made him want to do the unthinkable.

He was going to confront Karofsky.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Special treat... getting two updates in one day! Chapter four will probably be out tomorrow. Working on it now.

Don't Cry For Me

Three

Finn, Carole, and his dad were all settled back in the stands when Kurt set his new plan in motion. At this point it was easy to pick out the two jocks, and Kurt realized why he had such a difficult time during the game. He hadn't looked on the other side of the gymnasium. It was full of fans for the opposing team. The jock's were talking to the cheerleaders, obviously hitting on them. He rolled his eyes. Real classy.

Kurt kept his distance, hoping to have a chance to get Karofsky alone. Somehow that just sounded wrong ... and dangerous. But Kurt was on a mission and nothing was going to stop him.

He moved a little closer, pretending to scan the crowd for someone.

"Dude, you should totally go with us! I think her friend likes you…"

"I want to, Az, really, but I have to get home. My mom grounded me because of that party last weekend. She said I could go to the game but nowhere else. If I get caught, I lose my truck."

"She's totally worth it though…"

"No chick is worth losing my truck over."

As Kurt listened to the exchange he wondered if Karofsky would risk losing his truck over him… then chastised himself for even going there. He turned around to watch them through the crowd.

"Your loss," Azimio said, leading the cheerleader out.

Karofsky smiled shaking his head as he walked in the other direction. Kurt followed as discretely as he could. The other boy led him toward a deserted area of the school, away from the noise and people. Kurt felt a little anxious, but he had his anger to boost his nerve.

As the noise faded away, he realized that Karofsky was humming. Humming! Instead of making Kurt feel better it just fueled his anger.

He quickly caught up with Karofsky and yelled.

"Karofsky!"

The jock turned with a surprised look on his face. "Kurt? What are you doing?"

"We need to talk."

"Okay…? Geesh you look pissed."

"Your powers of observation astound me; I think there is a brain in there somewhere…" Kurt couldn't help egging him on. What he was hoping for, even he didn't know.

"I didn't do anything, okay? I've been good and I stayed away from you so just back off…"

"Really?" Kurt interrupted with a snort. "Weren't you just at Dalton two weeks ago?"

There was a moment of silence before Karofsky answered in a defiant tone. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"And what about that note?"

"Doesn't ring a bell, sorry," he said quickly, starting to turn away.

Perfect. This was how it was going to go. He was going to deny everything. Didn't he realize Kurt had proof?

"Look…before you say anything or run away or call security or something, let me talk…"

"Why would I …?" Karofsky turned around, and stopped, staring at Kurt in shock.

"I just wanted to say…I'm really sorry. I know I'm not some Shakespeare with words…"

Karofsky held up his hand to stop Kurt's flow of words. His words.

"Just shut up, okay?" he said. He rubbed the back of his neck, before turning to Kurt once again.

'You read it?" he asked quietly. He didn't sound mad… just uneasy.

"It was addressed to me," Kurt said.

"You know… whatever. You got your apology then. Just leave me the hell alone."

Kurt was afraid he would just walk away. He couldn't. Not when Kurt still didn't have any answers.

"I want you to say it. Out loud."

Karofsky glared at him, and Kurt found he was glad the smile seemed to be permanently gone from his face.

"Finding a crumpled note is not the same as hearing an apology." Kurt stared back at him. He was not going to back down, and the sooner the jock knew it, the better.

"Fine, Kurt. I apologize. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you. Even pulling your hair in kindergarten…. Or maybe especially pulling your hair in kindergarten since that could have been the start of this whole damn thing."

"What about the kiss? Are you sorry for that, too?"

"I'm not doing this, Kurt. You read the letter. You know how sorry I am. I know you want to torture me, and maybe I deserve it. But now I'm just done. So unless there's something else you want…"

"I want to know why you're so happy…" He hadn't meant to say it, but it just slipped out.

"Is that what this is all about? I'm happy? What did you expect, Kurt? That I would be so depressed seeing you kiss pretty boy that I would kill myself? Or go into a major depression? Is that what you were hoping for Kurt?

"I was worried, okay? I saw the tearstains on the note… I thought … " He couldn't finish. He knew that he was moments away from crying again.

"Worried? That was two weeks ago, Kurt. You couldn't have been too worried."

Kurt felt the guilt stab at him again. Why was he doing this to himself? Karofsky was fine. He just needed to go.

"You want to know what I think, Kurt? I think you like the attention of someone pining after you. Suddenly I'm happy and you can't stand it. That's just sick…"

"That's not it! I was worried. I just didn't know what to do. I thought you …" Kurt shook his head. "I wasted two weeks of my life thinking about you… I couldn't focus on anything else… and you were having the time of your life."

"Welcome to my world, Kurt. Two weeks is nothing. Try two years. Maybe longer. But I'm done thinking about you. So you can just go back to your preppy boyfriend and leave me the hell alone."

"I can't… I…" Kurt didn't know how to explain it. He didn't understand it, so how could he explain it. This need… this want… for something.

"What? Kurt… what do you want from me?" Karofsky glared at him fiercely. Daring Kurt. Those hazel eyes tormenting him.

What did Kurt want? it was hard to think with the jock looking at him like that. But then suddenly he knew… He wasn't sure how Karofsky would react. Kurt looked up at him, his chin raised defiantly.

"I want you to kiss me."


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: As promised

Don't Cry For Me

Four

"You're insane."

Kurt wasn't sure what he expected from the jock, but the cold statement was definitely not it.

"Quite possibly," Kurt replied. "But still. That is what I want."

"No… Hell no," Karofsky said.

"You've kissed me before." They could have been talking about anything at that point. The conversation certainly lacked the passion of the actual kiss they were discussing.

Karofsky threw up his hands. "And look how well that turned out for me."

"This time would be different. I'd be willing."

"First of all, Kurt," he said moving closer. "I'm not as stupid as I was five months ago. There's a difference between being willing and wanting to kiss someone. Your eyes give you away. You don't want to kiss me. In fact you look terrified at the thought. So what's going on?"

"Nothing… "

"Then go get your little preppy boyfriend to kiss you. Obviously he's willing." Karofsky turned, walking away from Kurt.

"Dave, please…" He wasn't sure if it was the pain in his voice or just morbid curiosity, but the jock stopped without turning around.

Kurt took this as his chance. He knew he didn't have many left. He walked up to the bigger boy and lightly touched his arm. "I'm so confused. I don't know what to do."

Karofsky turned to face him, his expression still dark. "I don't think I can help you Kurt." He laughed without any humor. "I can barely figure out my own shit."

"One kiss, then I'll leave you alone."

"I can't…"

Kurt dropped his gaze and stared at the floor, trying not to cry. "You don't understand…" he said.

"Then explain it to me, Kurt, because I really want to know. Last time I saw you.. not including two weeks ago… you were terrified of me. So much so that you changed schools. Now you're not only in my face yelling but you're begging me to kiss you. What happened, Kurt? Is this some sort of revenge on me? Or do you just like the attention of everyone wanting you?"

Kurt crossed his arms protectively as he stared at the ground. His voice was soft… a whisper as if he was afraid admitting the words out loud would make them even more true. "I think… I think I'm unlovable."

The growl coming from Karofsky made his head snap up.

"You _are_ insane."

"I know things have been difficult for you, Dave. I must seem horribly self-centered …"

Karofsky rubbed the back of his neck, while shaking his head. "Kurt… please just… go back to your boyfriend. From what I saw the other day, he wants you…"

Kurt snorted disdainfully. "Blaine … Did you know, Dave, that less than two months ago, Blaine was professing his love for the assistant manager of the Gap…. By serenading him." Kurt paused for a moment reliving the horrible moment. "And then last month he kissed Rachel. They even went out on a date." Kurt looked up, staring into those hazel eyes. They were so expressive… whatever the jock was feeling, though, he was trying to repress it. "Two weeks later," Kurt continued, "Blaine kissed me. I know that he cares about me. I really do. I just can't help but wonder if in a few weeks time, the newness will wear off, and he'll get distracted by some shiny new toy."

"No one can out shine you, Kurt," Karofsky said softly.

Kurt continued as if the jock had not spoken. "And then there's you. I read the letter, Dave. I read it every night. It was beautiful and heartfelt, and I could tell how much you loved me. It touched me… deeply. And then I see you, two weeks later and…"

His voice choked up, and he had to look away to finish. "And you're fine… happy even. It's not that I don't want you to be happy, Dave… honestly. But it was just so easy for you to get over me… I just can't help feeling…"

He couldn't go on. He just couldn't. He knew he sounded like some attention-whore. He couldn't even look at the jock. He didn't want to see the condemnation in his eyes.

"Kurt…" Suddenly Dave was holding his face, and he was reminded of the day in the locker room so many months ago. Looking in his eyes he saw various emotions swirling around. As Dave leaned in Kurt closed his eyes. Dave was wrong. He did want this. He desperately needed the other boy to kiss him. Dave's hot breath was on his face. "You win, Fancy… is this what you want?"

"Yes," Kurt whispered, his hands moving to Dave's chest. He could feel the pounding of the other boy's heart. It matched his own rapid beat.

As Dave leaned closer, Kurt tilted his head up. But instead of a kiss, he felt Dave's cheek against his own, his breath in his ear.

"I love you, Kurt," he whispered fiercely. "I want you so much, it's hard being near you. I cried myself to sleep every night after you left. I thought with you gone, it would be easier, but it wasn't. Everything reminded me of you. Your Glee friends, every single love song I heard, hell- all music… and I couldn't look at glitter without my eyes tearing up. Is this what you want to hear, Kurt? That I missed you desperately?"

"I… kiss me, Dave. Please? I want you to," Kurt whispered.

"I want to, so much, Kurt." He traced the bottom of Kurt's lip with his thumb. "So much…"

The touch was gentle and needy at the same time, and it left Kurt wanting more… so much more. For a second Kurt thought he would kiss him. But the kiss he wanted wasn't what he got. Dave kissed his cheek softly. Kurt was so frustrated he almost gave caution to the wind and kissed him himself. He knew it wasn't what Dave wanted though. Well he obviously wanted it but Kurt couldn't decide that for him.

Kurt opened his eyes as Dave pulled away, pushing back the painful feelings of need and loss.

"I can't kiss you, Kurt."

"But I want you to, Dave. I really want you to." His lip trembled as he watched the jock move further away.

Dave smiled sadly. "I can see that, Fancy. But it's not enough. Even if we kissed, you would still be going back to pretty boy. And having that reminder of what it could be like between us? It would just destroy me. I don't think I can come back from that, Kurt."

"Okay," Kurt said. Dave gave him a cheeky smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and turned to leave.

Kurt closed his eyes and tried to get his emotions as well as his body under control. He knew Dave was right. He was going to back to Blaine… but maybe if they kissed…

"Oh, yeah… Kurt."

He looked up quickly. The jock was again facing him.

"You wanted to know why I was so happy? I know we'll never work, Kurt. I can't be the man you need me to be. I want to but I just can't. Even though I hate Blaine with a passion, he's what you need. Knowing you were happy, helped me start to move on. Because I do love you Kurt, and I want you to be happy. The funny thing is now… knowing you aren't ... That you might have some feelings that aren't just repulsion for me… that you want me just a little bit… it's tearing me up inside. I'm miserable at the thought of you going back to Blaine, because I know you're going to try and make that work. So in the long run, you got your wish. I'm definitely no longer happy. Congratulations."

Dave turned and walked away. As Kurt watched him go, the tears started to fall.

There was nothing he could do but cry.


	5. Chapter 5

Don't Cry For Me

Five

Kurt smiled idly as he barely listened to Blaine's critique of their latest Warbler's rehearsal. Even though his full attention wasn't on the words coming out of his boyfriend's mouth, it didn't matter. Blaine always talked about the same things: the appropriateness of singing Katy Perry in the local nursing homes, the fact that Nick needed to improve his harmonization, and that Wes had an unhealthy obsession with his gavel.

They reached the end of the hall (and the conversation), but before Kurt could turn toward his room. Blaine tugged gently on their clasped hands. A small nod accompanied the gesture, and Kurt couldn't help the smile on his face as he let the other boy lead him in the opposite direction.

"Where are we going?"

"To my room," Blaine said. "For privacy. We need to talk."

"Sure, okay." Any warm feelings Kurt had vanished, and he held back a caustic remark about the amount of talks they've had lately. Sarcasm wasn't the answer to everything, and he had no doubt that it wouldn't help him in this situation. He wasn't sure what Blaine wanted to talk about but the possibility that he was ending their relationship was upmost in his mind. Maybe if they had been going out for a while it will be different. It hadn't even been a month since Blaine kissed him, and his world was turned around. He ignored the voice that said _that_ had more to do with Karofsky than his boyfriend. So far Kurt had been successful, at least somewhat, at not thinking about the jock. He wasn't going to start obsessing again. He needed his sanity.

He also needed Blaine. Kurt cared about his boyfriend, and he wasn't going to ruin everything just because he was confused.

Kurt wouldn't blame Blaine in the least if he did break up with him. All he'd done for the last few weeks was cry. Well that wasn't all he'd done. Kurt had also begged another guy to kiss him. What kind of boyfriend did that? And even though he could rationalize that he did it for them… that kissing David Karofsky would somehow release him from this obsession with the jock. Then he could go back to being blissfully happy with Blaine. He knew Blaine would not see it that way, not when Kurt had trouble believing it himself. It had been a week since his confrontation with Karofsky … Dave… and the longing he had felt… not only from the other boy, but from his own body, had been seared into his very existence.

They reached Blaine's room, and Kurt tried to focus on his perfect boyfriend. Once they were inside, Blaine seemed a little unsure how to continue. Kurt couldn't help the feeling of dread that overcame him. This was it. The end of their relationship. He was sure…So Blaine's next words were a complete surprise.

"I know why you've been so sad."

Kurt stared at his boyfriend in shock. Did he really know? Had he found the note Karofsky wrote? Not likely, when Kurt kept it safe on his person. But somehow Blaine had found out … what? That Kurt was worried about Dave? That Kurt had wanted to kiss Dave? That he wanted to still?

"Blaine, I…"

"No, Kurt. Let me finish. I'm not upset. I think it's only natural that you feel this way."

Blaine sat down on the bed and motioned for him to follow. Kurt's head was spinning. There was no way Blaine was okay with everything that had happened… Kurt chasing Dave down… begging him … He shook his head, trying to understand. Did Blaine really know?

"You miss your friends," Blaine continued, and Kurt tried to focus on his words. In his head they still weren't making sense. "So I understand why you want to go back to McKinley."

As the words arranged themselves in some semblance of meaning in his head, Kurt inwardly sighed in relief. This had nothing to do with Dave. And Blaine was right. He did miss his friends. He wanted to go back. And he wanted to go with them to Nationals in New York.

"And if David Karofsky wasn't around I would let you." His sad, encouraging smile also seemed condescending, and Kurt felt his anger rise again.

Kurt wasn't worried about Dave at all, but that wasn't the part of the sentence that caught his attention. "Let me?" he said. "You're opinion is important to me Blaine, but you don't get to make decisions for me. And I don't appreciate your insinuation that I can't take care of myself."

"You do remember just a few short months ago being terrified of the guy, right? He's a big guy, Kurt. You actually can't take care of yourself if he wants to hurt you."

"And yet it was your idea for me to confront him in the first place…"

The quietness in the room seemed sudden and imposing, and Kurt immediately felt guilty.

"You blame me?" Blaine looked upset. Kurt wondered if he had already blamed himself. "I just didn't want you to go through what I did. Running away...Maybe it was bad advice. I don't know…"

"Blaine, stop." Kurt grabbed his hand off the bed and held it tightly. "I'm sorry. I don't blame you at all. And I know right now you're just worried about me. But you don't have to be because Dave won't hurt me."

He realized his mistake almost immediately.

"Dave?" Blaine's look was incredulous. "Since when are you guys on a first name basis? Last I knew your favorite name for him was Neanderthal. And we won't even talk about what he used to call you."

"I know you won't believe me, Blaine, but he's changed. He apologized and everything so it's fine." Kurt tried to give him a reassuring smile.

"I don't understand, Kurt." He said, a puzzled look on his face. "When did this happen?"

"Well, I…" Kurt stumbled over his words. He couldn't tell Blaine the whole story, or he probably would break up with him. "I saw him at Finn's basketball game."

"And he just came up to you and said, 'oh, by the way, Kurt… I'm sorry. No hard feelings.'"

"Of course not," he said choosing to ignore the tone in Blaine's voice. His boyfriend had a right to be mad, even if he didn't realize the extent of Kurt's betrayal. "We were both congratulating Finn after the game… and then Da … Karofsky left the gym and … I followed him." He kept his head down as he whispered the last part. He didn't want to see the disappointment in Blaine's eyes.

"You what? Are you crazy, Kurt? He could have hurt you. You do remember he threatened to kill you, right?"

"Of course I remember, Blaine but thanks for reminding me once again." Crap. He didn't mean to say that. Why was sarcasm his default mode when he felt trapped? "Maybe I shouldn't have followed him, but I'm glad I did. He apologized to me. Everything's fine."

Blaine looked skeptical. "Great, so now you guys are BFFs. Everything's magically better."

Okay so he wasn't the only one relying on sarcasm.

"I know it's not all fixed, Blaine, but I do know that Dave…" He barely even hesitated on the name this time, "Isn't going to hurt me. Please trust me, okay?"

Blaine sighed and pulled Kurt into a hug. "I do trust you, Kurt. I just don't trust _him._"

As he held his boyfriend tight, Kurt tried to ignore the guilt that made it difficult to breathe.

Kurt wasn't surprised by his dad's reaction. It took all of his natural persuasiveness, Finn's agreement that Dave had changed, and a meeting with Dave and his parents before his dad was satisfied. Dave avoided looking at him during the meeting, except when he was once again apologizing. Kurt tried hard to keep his hands from shaking. Just being near the jock brought back vivid memories. The smell of his skin as he moved in close… the feel of his breath on his cheek, the sound of his low voice as he whispered in his ear…but above all the aching need to kiss him. To catch just a glimpse of the passion he could feel building in the jock.

Kurt's dad wasn't happy but in the end he agreed. The cost of Kurt going to Dalton was taking a serious toll on their finances. Not that his dad would admit it. But every now and then Kurt accidently overheard his dad and Carole talking.

It was the right thing to do. Kurt was sure of that. The main reason he left was because of Karofsky bullying him, but now that he and Dave had worked things out… there was no reason for Kurt not to come back.

Once again he ignored the part of him that knew things weren't really worked out. Not when he still thought about that day and how much he wanted to kiss David Karofsky.


	6. Chapter 6

Don't Cry For Me

Six

Kurt was on edge Monday morning. It was his first day back at McKinley, and he had no idea what to expect. On the one hand, returning to his old school felt like being wrapped in a thick blanket on a cold day. It was warm and familiar. Even memories of the bad times slipped away. That was until a rude comment brought him back to reality. Of course some things never changed. It didn't damper his mood though. He was glad to be back. Thankful to be around his Glee friends, and… he wouldn't ever say this to Blaine… but happy to be away from the confines of Dalton. He no longer had to rein himself in… in what he wore, what he said, or what songs he sang.

He missed Blaine, and the other Warblers. He wished he didn't have to choose between them all. And yet, nothing was better than this. No matter how dysfunctional, McKinley was his home.

Which didn't explain his nervousness. At first he thought it was because of the bullying. Even if he wasn't afraid of Dave hurting him, there were others out there who loved to torture him. But he already had some run-ins. Thankfully, no slushies were thrown his way. He had on his new Ralph Lauren sweater.

As his thoughts turned to bullies, he couldn't help thinking about his former bully. He realized at once that this was the cause of his nervousness. He didn't know what Dave would do now that he was there. Of course, Kurt had seen him at their parent meeting, but Dave had barely looked at him. Was he glad that Kurt was back? And why did Kurt even care?

He wasn't going to focus on it. This moment was about enjoying his homecoming.

Most people didn't realize that Kurt didn't like surprises. He loved romance and being swept of his feet but that didn't equate to bouts of spontaneity that he was unable to prepare for. So he was already a little put out at lunch. Mercedes practically drug him to the courtyard. He didn't have a chance to voice his annoyance because when they arrived Blaine was there, with the other Warblers. It was sweet and exciting being serenaded in front of the whole school… and just a little annoying.

Surely it was because he hated being caught off guard. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he could see Dave in the background scowling before slumping sadly away.

Leaving Blaine and the Warblers for a second time left him a little misty eyed. He would see Blaine on Friday and talk to him later that night. Still he hated goodbyes. He'd never been good at them. Maybe because saying goodbye to his mom had been so hard.

Thinking about that wasn't going to help with the waterworks any, so he tried to focus instead on his French class. Kurt was usually able to flow through French effortlessly. The language was so beautiful and musical and romantic. Everything Kurt loved. Maybe that was why he fell for Blaine. He was all three of those things. Well sometimes he wasn't so much romantic as self-centered… but still no one was perfect right? Those thoughts brought him back to Dave. He wasn't musical (at least Kurt didn't think he was). He wasn't really beautiful (although those eyes!), and he wasn't romantic… (although he wanted nothing more than for Kurt to be happy, even if it was with Blaine).

Kurt shook his head at his thoughts. No matter what he did he found his thoughts returning to David Karofsky. It made him jittery all day, and he wasn't going to just sit by and let it eat away at him. He had to do something, even if it turned out to be a mistake.

Kurt found his chance after his 5th hour history class. He had totally forgotten Dave was in this class with him. Probably because Dave always sat in the back, and he was closer to the front and the teacher. Best place in the classroom to avoid spitballs to the back of the head. As he sat down next to Mercedes, he let his eyes stray to the red jacket near the back. Dave wasn't looking at him, but he could tell by the rigidity of his spine that he knew Kurt was there. All through the class, Kurt felt Dave's eyes on him. And although he was probably imagining it, he still felt a tingle of excitement at the thought. After class he was determined to talk to the jock. Dave might yell at him, but he didn't care. Kurt wanted _something_. He was tired of just being ignored. Did that make him selfish? He didn't even consider the possibility for longer than a second. Dave obviously wasn't happy, and Kurt was determined to help him.

As everyone streamed out of the classroom, Kurt held back. He told Mercedes he wanted to talk to the teacher. He couldn't exactly tell her the truth. Luckily, none of the other jocks were around. It was fairly simple to catch Dave's eye and motion for him to stay behind. Besides the teacher they were the only ones left. Kurt walked out first knowing that Dave would follow. He led him to an empty classroom and shut the door.

Dave seemed on edge as he eyed him warily. "What do you want, Kurt," he said testily. "I have to get to Calculus."

"Sorry, I… this will only take a moment…"

The jock stuffed his hands in his pockets as he waited for Kurt to continue. Even in his Letterman jacket, Kurt thought he looked vulnerable.

"I thought we could talk about what happened the other day…" Kurt said softly, his voice a little shaky. Why was he so nervous?

"No need. It's cool. Are we done?"

Dave's eyes gave nothing away, and Kurt wondered what he was thinking. After a moment of silence Dave took that as his answer and turned to leave.

"Wait, Dave," Kurt said grabbing a handful of his jacket. "Please?" The jock pulled his arm away, as he turned to face him. His mask had slipped away, and Kurt could see the anger burning near the surface. Kurt stepped back in surprise, but he refused to back down completely.

"I thought we could be friends." His words were stronger. He couldn't hesitate. Dave needed to know he was being honest.

Suddenly Dave grabbed Kurt and pushed him up against the wall. It didn't hurt, but he was startled by the sudden intensity. Dave's hands were holding him in place as the anger radiated off of him. Kurt wasn't sure in that minute if he was going to hit him or kiss him. He flushed at the thought. Was that what he wanted?

"I don't want to be your friend, Kurt," Dave growled, his voice impossibly low. "In fact, I don't want anything from you, except for you to go away." He clenched his jaw as he glared him. "You're nothing but trouble, and I think you enjoy ruining people's lives."

Kurt had difficulty concentrating as Dave's hands burned on his shoulders. The sudden proximity was causing havoc with his senses. The closer Dave got the more Kurt could _smell _him. Thoughts of being pressed against the wall with Dave's mouth on his… The harsh words finally cut through the haze of want building inside of him. As his mind registered that Dave was still angry and was actually insulting him, he found the strength he needed to fight his feelings.

"I do not," he said finally. "Now, you're just being cruel."

"Cruel? You think this is cruel?"

Kurt lifted his chin, ready for the worst. He wasn't going to be intimidated by a bully who obviously hadn't changed much.

"You know how I feel about you, Kurt," Dave continued his hands tightening a bit on Kurt's shoulders. "And yet you chase me down… twice. You want to be my friend… while begging me to kiss you? Even when you don't say the words, Kurt, I can see it in your eyes." Dave released him, taking a deep breath as he ran his hand over his face. "That's cruel, Kurt." His words sounded defeated… resigned. "And selfish."

The pain in his voice was obvious, and seeing it from Dave's perspective, maybe he was being cruel but…

"Selfish?" he squeaked, his voice going higher with his indignation. "You think I'm selfish? I'm just trying to help you."

"But it's not helping! The only thing that helps is being away from you. God, why did you have to come back? And before you ask, I'm not coming out. Our lives aren't the same, Kurt. Our friends aren't the same… so don't even start with that shit."

"But Dave, you need…"

"You know what I need, Kurt?" Dave interrupted angrily. "I need you to leave me the fuck alone."

Kurt could feel the pain of his words seeping through his pathetic defenses. He was not going to cry… again. He glared at the jock. "Fine. Suit yourself. You can just rot in your precious closet for all I care." With that he pushed Dave away from him, before heading for the door. He didn't need David Karofsky. In fact, he had everything he wanted. _He_ was happy.

Kurt turned one last time, just to make sure he'd made his point. He was prepared to give the jock one last scathing look. But instead he was caught…

Dave was watching him. His expressive eyes so full of pain, sadness, and longing that Kurt's breath caught in his throat. It was gone in an instant, replaced by his usual mask.

Any animosity, anger, or frustration that he felt towards the jock melted away in that moment. Kurt realized then… that Dave's words… his intent on pushing Kurt away was for his own survival.

But no matter what Dave said, nothing was settled between them.


	7. Chapter 7

Don't Cry For Me

Seven

"Is your offer still open?"

Kurt chewed on his lip as he watched his stepmother mix flour and eggs in a large bowl. It was times like these that he missed his mom the most. Missed the closeness of cooking together and sharing secrets. Although Carole never tried to take his mom's place, she was always there when he needed her. He couldn't imagine not having her in his life.

She stopped at his question and smiled encouragingly at him.

"Of course, sweetie. What's up?"

He was glad she remembered. Glad he didn't have start from the very beginning.

She continued mixing, her attitude nonchalant. Kurt wasn't fooled though. She wasn't making it a big deal, giving him the chance to reveal as much as he wanted. He wasn't sure how much to tell her. How could he explain the whole Karofsky thing?

Kurt sighed as he stood next to her, cleaning the slight mess from their baking.

"When Blaine and I got together, I was ecstatic. But now, I'm just not sure. I mean he's great…" He lifted his shoulders as he tried to convey his thoughts.

"But …?"

"I don't know. He cares about me. But there's this other guy…"

She looked at him curiously but didn't ask the question. For that he was grateful.

"And this other boy says he loves me. Everything about him is so intense. His feelings are so big he has a hard time containing them, even though he desperately tries. Something about that is appealing."

"So you have two opposites. Blaine is reserved and this other boy … isn't."

"Exactly. I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt either of them. But I'm so confused."

The quiet warmth of the kitchen surrounded them as they worked. Kurt moved the pan closer as Carole spooned in the cake batter, her mind clearly on his words. Once the cake was in the oven she turned to face him.

"The thing is, Kurt, none of that matters."

He dropped the dirty dishes in the soapy water and glanced back at her in surprise. Wiping his hands on the dish towel, he gave her his full attention.

"I don't understand."

"Whether a guy is reserved or passionate, or funny or sarcastic… it doesn't matter. Because it all depends on you. On what you want."

"Isn't that selfish?" he asked looking down at his hands.

"Probably. But you need to be selfish, Kurt. Is it fair to either Blaine or this other guy if you're doing something just to make them happy?"

Kurt chewed on his lip, contemplating. She had a good point, but he just wasn't sure.

Carole smiled at him in that knowing way, like she could read his mind. That mother look that got him every time.

"You feel like you owe Blaine something?" She lifted his chin up, and he knew the answer was in his eyes. "You think you're responsible for this other boy's feelings?"

"Maybe," he replied softly.

"You have to make it all about you, Kurt. Only then can you be sure you're doing it for the right reasons."

"So you're saying I have to do what's best for me, before I can be there for either of them."

She nodded at him with a fond smile.

"I've tried to figure it out. I really have," he said his voice low and his face heating up as he paused in embarrassment.

Carole squeezed his arm. "You know you can tell me anything, Kurt."

His voice was a whisper as he twisted his hands together, unable to look at her. "I tried to get the other boy to kiss me. I have a boyfriend and yet I asked another boy to kiss me." He looked up sadly. "I just wanted to know—but he wouldn't."

Carole pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back in comfort. Kurt clung to her, finally able to break down. "Oh, sweetie," she said softly. "If you have to ask the question, then you already have your answer."

~#~

Thankfully the Lima Bean wasn't crowded. He knew doing this in a public place wasn't the best idea, but he didn't know what else to do. As soon as Carole uttered those words, he knew she was right. Just the fact that he wanted to kiss another boy—whether it was because he had feelings for Dave or because he wanted a reason to not be with his boyfriend, the result was the same. He couldn't go another minute lying to Blaine.

"Hey, Kurt."

Kurt watched anxiously as Blaine sat across from him, his handsome face frowning.

"Are you okay? I thought being back at McKinley would make you happy."

"I am glad to be back. I just…" Kurt reached out and took his hand. "I need to tell you something."

Blaine searched his face, giving him a nervous smile. "You're starting to scare me a little, Kurt … are you breaking up with me?"

He didn't know whether to be relieved or not. It definitely wasn't going anything like he'd planned.

"Blaine, I really care about you. It just isn't working. I thought this was what I wanted, but…" he shook his head sadly.

"You are breaking up with me. I can't believe this is happening."

Blaine stared at him like he was a stranger, someone he'd never seen before, and it broke Kurt's heart. Somehow he'd hoped they make it through this as friends. But he realized now how foolish that was.

"I'm so sorry."

"I just don't understand. I thought we were happy. I mean, I know you cried most of the time. I guess that should have been my first clue, huh."

"Blaine, don't…"

"Don't what? Take it personally? Be hurt that my boyfriend is dumping me? In my favorite coffee shop of all places? One that I can now never go back to?"

Kurt resisted rolling his eyes. He felt terrible but really did Blaine have to be so dramatic?

"Is there someone else?"

He looked up in shock. It wasn't an unusual question to ask during a break up, but he was positive Blaine was just lashing out. Probably pointing out to Kurt that there was no one else around. That he was throwing away his one chance at happiness. Still, Kurt couldn't help the blush that spread across his face.

"Oh, my God. There is someone else." Blaine shocked look was almost comical. Almost. His eyes bored into Kurt, his jaw clenched. "Who is it?"

"This really isn't about someone else…"

"You're a terrible liar, Kurt. Who is it? None of the Warblers, I'm sure, or you wouldn't have left. Is it someone straight that you have a crush on?"

Kurt glared back at him. Did he really think he'd break up with him over an infatuation? Or did Blaine think Kurt couldn't get anyone else. That was probably it. Usually the other boy was fairly clueless, but this time he was obviously able to interpret Kurt's anger correctly.

"Okay, no. Someone closeted then."

Blaine's eyes searched his face, looking for any response. Kurt didn't know what to do, but he had to stop him from guessing further. The answer was just too obvious. And he was right. Kurt was terrible at lying.

Kurt stood up. The only thing he could do was leave. He felt horrible. Blaine had helped him so much, and for it to end like this was tragic. If only he would let it go.

"Sam? Puck? Oh, God please tell me it's not Finn."

"Just stop Blaine before you embarrass yourself," Kurt said, grabbing his coat. "I really am sorry…"

"Karofsky."

Kurt stopped. The world seemed to end, as the blood rushed to his face. He couldn't look at Blaine. Couldn't stand to see the condemnation on his face.

"I'm right aren't I? I can't believe this."

Kurt's throat was swollen with unshed tears. "You don't understand."

"Then explain it to me. Because I _want _to understand why you're leaving me for your bully. Do you love him?"

The pain and anguish on his face tore at Kurt's heart. He couldn't stand to see him hurting like this.

"I don't know how I feel, but I need to figure things out. Okay?"

Blaine stood up his beautiful face twisted with anger. "So I guessed if I'd shoved you around more, we might still be together. Is that what you like Kurt? Being hurt? Humiliated? You should have just told me."

He knew Blaine was responding out of pain, but that didn't make the words hurt any less. Especially when Kurt had asked himself the same questions. Was he just a masochist?

He shook his head, both at himself and Blaine. Dave has changed. The bullying wasn't what attracted him to Dave. He wasn't sure exactly what it was, but now wasn't the time to dwell on it. Not when they were getting stares from others in the coffee shop.

"We're done here. I know it was stupid, but I hoped we could still be friends. I can see that's not possible."

"Kurt…"

"I really do care about you, Blaine. I realize I've hurt you. But that doesn't give you the right to judge me."

Blaine attempted to grab his hand, but he pulled it away. The other boy shoved his hands in his pockets. "He's only going to hurt you. Can't you see that? He'll never come out of the closet for you."

Kurt slipped his coat on, ignoring the inquisitive stares around them.

"Goodbye, Blaine."

As Kurt walked out, he felt a sense of sadness. He wasn't only losing a boyfriend but a close friend.

He was surprised to find that he also felt a sense of relief.

He no longer had to pretend.

No longer had to lie.

He was free.

That more than anything made him realize, he was doing the right thing.

Even if David Karofsky wanted nothing to do with him, even if he never came out of the closet, it didn't matter.

Nothing else mattered.

For the first time in a long time, Kurt was being true to himself.


End file.
